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“Petaluma Conversations” is a weekly public event that happens seasonally at the Petaluma Library.

 

 

In 2018, Petaluma found itself in the midst of a heated debate over “Fine Balance,” a public art installation featuring bathtubs perched on stilts. Intended as a symbol of balance and the tenuous relationship between humanity and nature, the installation instead became a focal point for division within the community. Some saw it as a creative masterpiece, while others criticized it vehemently.

This controversy became particularly heated in online spaces, where exchanges between community members quickly turned toxic. It was startling to see how much more easily people would attack one another when shielded by the distance of the internet. The art piece, rather than fostering dialogue about art and its role in public spaces, highlighted how polarized we had become and how nasty we could be toward our fellow community members. I saw friends of mine—people I respected and loved—being horrible to other friends of mine, and, in turn, those friends being horrible back.

In response, I, along with communications professional Lou Zweier, decided to take action. I closed Aqus Café one evening and invited a group of about 30 people—some who supported the installation and others who did not—to engage in face-to-face dialogue. Although many of those in attendance had sparred online, most had never met in person.

We divided the attendees into groups of six around a table—three in favor and three against. The format was straightforward: each person took turns expressing their perspective, and another group member would reflect back what they heard. This process slowed the conversation down and often revealed misunderstandings that needed clarification, fostering a deeper level of understanding. The point of the evening was not for one side to persuade the other; rather, it was to understand each other.

At the end of that evening of speaking and listening, something remarkable happened. People who had been at odds with each other online stood up, shook hands, and even laughed together. One participant remarked, “You’re a lot nicer in person than you are online,” a sentiment echoed by others. This moment crystallized for me the importance of face-to-face conversations, leading to the birth of Petaluma Conversations.

Today, what began as a one-time event has grown into a regular series. Over the past six years, Petaluma Conversations has provided a space for the community to engage in respectful dialogue on a range of topics, from art to politics. It has become a fixture in our community, drawing in participants who are committed to understanding each other’s perspectives, even when they disagree.

In today’s climate, marked by emotionally charged political races both nationally and locally, the need for civil discourse has never been greater. Online platforms and their algorithms often amplify our worst instincts, where quick reactions and comments can fuel misunderstandings and hostility. My hope is that we can create a culture of respectful dialogue, taking time to truly listen to one another. Petaluma Conversations serves as a reminder that while we may not always agree, we can still see the humanity in each other and maybe find some common ground through face-to-face engagement—something our polarized world so desperately needs.
– John Crowley

Statement of Purpose

The purpose of Petaluma Conversations is to provide a place where people can come together and listen to each other, to get to know one another, and to understand each other, even if they don’t agree with each other; to build community across differences. We do this to connect with and learn about others in our community who are different than we are; to be heard about whatever is important to each of us; and to contribute to building a resilient community that values understanding and finding ways to bridge social and political divides.

Conversation Principles

1. Everyone wants to be heard and understood
2. We are here to understand each other, not interrogate, argue, or convince each other.
3. Showing understanding, verbally or nonverbally, is not agreeing.
4. We are here for mutual understanding, not problem-solving.
5. We trust that people will find their own solutions, or decide to change their minds (or not) as they see fit, and that mutual understanding makes a contribution to that individual process.
6. Conversation participants hold an intention to participate with:
Curiosity – about others and what is important to them.
Openness – about oneself, and about different points of view.
Honesty – saying what is important to you, even if it is different than others.
Mutuality – following the structure provided to ensure everyone gets an equal chance to be heard to their satisfaction.
Care – attempting to hold others and one’s self with care in your words and actions.

Topics Discussed

LGBTQ & Marginalization • Color blindness • Petaluma Fairgrounds • Political Polarization • Effect of Media • Gun Violence • Coming out of COVID • Homelessness • Loneliness • Political Divides • Charitable Giving • Trust • Ukraine War • Elders • Gender • Spirituality • Forgiveness • Patriotism • Petaluma Speedway • Back to School • Family Relations • Climate Change • Mandated Care for Homeless • Religion-Spirituality • Volunteering • Binary Thinking • Cell Phones & Our Relationships • Coping with Stress • Middle-East Conflict • Reparations • First Ladies and Policy Making • Proud of-Regret this year • What gives you hope.